Posts tagged with "Breakup"

For love or money: ‘Valentighting’ is the dating trend out to ruin your Valentine’s Day

February 12, 2020

Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Any “significant others” who have lost their suitors just before Valentine’s Day might well say no.

No breakup is ever well-timed, but there’s something particularly nasty about doing it just weeks before February 14.

Just ask Amy Luong, according to a report by The Huffington Post. Up until recently, Luong, a 23-year-old account coordinator from Des Moines, Iowa, thought she was on sure footing in her yearlong relationship, the news outlet says.  She and her boyfriend had almost broken up recently—but, if anything, that had only brought them closer together, or so she thought. Luong’s boyfriend told her he didn’t want to lose her. They’d started talking about the future in unambiguous terms.

But then, just one week before Valentine’s Day, he dumped her.

“He brought up that his friends didn’t like me, they didn’t want to talk to me when I was over at his place—and that they suggested he break up with me,” Luong told HuffPost. “It started a 12-hour argument about us being together and how he didn’t feel like I respected him. I told him that I do everything I can to respect and support him, but he accused me of doing no such thing.”

The hyperdramatic fight—and the relationship itself—ended when Luong told her boyfriend to get an Uber home and leave.

The term, Valentighting, joins the ranks of other newfangled, slightly ridiculous dating trends (ghosting, mosting, orbiting, breadcrumbing).

Valentighting was coined by Metro UK writer Ellen Scott last year. Scott defined it as “the heartbreaking act of dumping someone right before Valentine’s Day, because you’re too tight to get them a gift, write a card, or make any kind of fuss. Get it? Valentine’s Day plus being too much of a tightwad to buy a gift. Valentighting.”

Clever. But as Luong’s story illustrates, there’s usually more than an aversion to gift-giving at play when a person gets valentighted.

“Valentine’s Day of all holidays brings the relationship to a head and highlights issues between couples that might not be working,” Kim Seltzer, the host of Charisma Quotient podcast and a dating coach in Los Angeles, told HuffPost.

If it’s about the gifts at all, it’s less about penny-pinching and more about a person’s fear of having a gift be interpreted as an investment in the relationship, Seltzer said.

“So avoiding the gift might really be about not wanting to spend money on someone you don’t see a future with,” she explained. (In other words, your ex isn’t just a cheap-ass in this scenario, they’re a cheap-ass with commitment issues.)

However, it’s not just the recently dumped who struggle with Valentine’s Day, the news outlet says. The holiday puts the squeeze on a lot of relationships—especially new ones. In those cases, it’s hard to know what kind of gift, if any is called for: How much should you spend? Would you overplay your hand if you get the person something and they show up empty-handed?

It’s a complicated holiday, for sure—and for many of us, the second celebration of Valentine’s Day with the same person could be the winner. You know their preferences and you know how they feel. Just go for it.

Research contact: @HuffPost